All In My Saab

This has been a really wierd, twisted, touching and emotional Christmas. My grandpa passed away on Sat. night from acute Leukimia. We found out about it 4 days prior. It was quick. On top of that, anyone who knows me personally has seen how stressed out life has been over the past few months for me.  It has been good none the less.  The business is doing well (especially for this economy). We are growing quickly and all the stress and responsability is only making me stronger.

Leading up to Christmas I have been very negative towards Christmas.  I have been scared of Christmas Eve mostly.  This is because I didn’t have anything planned.  Sure I could have found some way to take up time, but part of me wanted to feel lonely tonight.  I was afraid, afraid that I would have another night of drinks, bad tv and home made guacamole.  Somehow I have avoided that.

Today I have been at peace.  All day I have been less energized, less “spazzy” than I usually am on a day to day basis.  This evening however I just feel peaceful.  I doubt it has to do with the symbolic celebration of the birth of Christ.  I think it has more to do with the arival of something I was waiting for, Christmas.

Tomorrow I spend Christmas with my family.  My empowering mother, father who is always helpful, and brother who is both cooler and younger than me.  For tonight however, I spend Christmas with myself, and thats okay.

Merry Christmas to everyone, and I hope you are as peaceful tonight as I am.

- Julian Sutter